Kermit The Frog watches a bank of monitors, their colored lines rising and falling by the second. The monitors chart the ratings for MuppeTelevision, the broadcast outfit under Kermit’s supervision. Thanks to modern technology, he can track the response to his programming choices in real time, broken down into several key demographics: “Men, women, youth, retirees, black, brown, yellow, green,” explains Kermit’s chipper assistant Vicki, who pauses to accept her boss’ gratitude for keeping frogs in the mix. She continues: “College graduates, blue-collar workers, and a Mr. Harry Stapleton,” the latter represented not by a graph, but a video feed of Stapleton (played by Muppet performer Jerry Nelson). The fluctuation of lines and facial features induces temporary panic in Muppet Central, the nerve center of MuppeTelevision. The ratings are all over the place: The discussion of the charts is a complete flop, the West Coast and Mr. Harry Stapleton dig the monster-yuppie drama hurtingsomething, and the comedy duo of Bean Bunny and Mr. Balloon are a hit across the board. (“You see, we hired Bean to be cute so the rest of us don’t have to bother,” Kermit explains.) Advertisement In the real world, however, conditions are straightforwardly pessimistic. It’s… Read full this story
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